Structure: Why I’m Nineteen and Still Need It

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” – Søren Kierkegaard

I figured it was high time for a light-hearted piece. You know, something warm and fuzzy, but with a point (unlike most of what I write). And then I realized that I’m at my school this summer doing research on moral philosophy. On top of that, it became apparent that I had an ample amount of free time and that free time can actually be an incredible annoyance. With no set workday, sometimes I find myself goofing off doing this or that, reading something by Kurt Vonnegut or taking a ludicrous number of naps.

And we’ve all experience this phenomenon. During the school year, we wish that we just had some time to do what we wanted. We want to go to the beach, eat something that doesn’t look like it came out of an industrial processor, or just do something that isn’t schoolwork. The problem is that when we get home, the opposite happens. We realize that our hometowns are relatively boring, that our friends all have jobs, and that cooking all our own meals is both tasteless and tedious.

So we find ourselves with a paradox. The grass is always greener on the side that isn’t populated with tasks and chores. But if we can break free of our basic human desire for freedom and choice (in this context anyway), we can see that rules and limitations can actually help us. We don’t want so many rules that we go completely insane with the need to do something, anything of our volition (I assume that’s how Jackson Pollock produced his paintings). At the same time with no rules, many of us will end up wasting our lives until we either have had too much Maury and Jerry Springer, or until we realize that we’re useless slugs suckling at the teat of society.

As a result, some rules are important. I’ve met many an athlete who says that he accomplishes more during his season than while off because the need to be at practice daily, to go to lift, and to play in games teaches him time management. The same can be said for almost any other activity. And so, this little bit of reflection has made me realize that rules can assist me on the path to self-control. Self-control can help me accomplish my goals and, God willing, not end up wasting away on a couch somewhere watching daytime television and debating whether to go to DeVry University (if you’ve seen the commercial more than 30 times and don’t go to college, you should probably go). Anxiety really is the dizziness of freedom. We find ourselves anxious when faced with too much choice. As a result, we become inactive, sluggish, and ultimately, very, very sad. So hopefully, this little meditation can lead me to an increased work ethic. And one day, if someone is willing to give me children (heh), maybe it’ll teach me a thing or two about why not to schedule their entire day.