The Unneccessary Necessity: Friendship Gives Value to our Survival

Friendship is a beautiful peculiarity which is rarely the focus of any conversation these days. Perhaps this is because it is unnecessary—from a biological or natural perspective and especially in a culture borne out of an exclusively material philosophy. It is rather simple—having a beauty to it which must be sought after and nourished, it’s easy to see why its importance has been overlooked by most of the fast-paced culture. But sometimes it seems the most unnecessary things are the most human and essential parts of life, like art or philosophy.

By friendship I do not intend the meaningless use of the word established by a speedy click of the “accept” button on Facebook. Rather, I am speaking of amicitia—the virtue concerning which many of the great minds of old wrote beautiful words. Indeed, Aristotle defines it as between those who are good, for “such people wish in similar fashion for good things for each other insofar as they are good, and they are good in themselves.”

The incredible thing about friendship seems to be that all other relationships strive to model it. We see this in every day speech: I was stuck with him as a roommate but now he is my closest friend; I am blessed to call my daughter a friend; I want to marry my best friend. The Christian rejoices because Christ has stooped to become our Friend. Our most-honored relationships are only accidentally another relation and primarily a friendship. This gives life its substance and depth and helps us weather the most dangerous storms.

C.S. Lewis must have been thinking just this when he wrote in The Four Loves:

Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. Friends are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; [but] by friendship God opens our eyes to one of them.

As we continue on our journey, perhaps we should pause and remember that it is the most unnecessary things which comprise the substance of a life well-lived.